Malfunkshon
08-22-2005, 03:44 AM
-Chris Benoit beats Orlando Jordan in like 10 seconds for the US title. Seriously. Benoit got suckered punch when the bell rang, so he got pissed, hit a suplex, then went for the crossface. OJ taps out almost immediately. Oooook.
-Edge beats the shit out of Matt Hardy. Edge hit two moves in the match, while Hardy just threw haymakers. Hardy's face landed on a ringpost while getting a reversal, which made him bleed like crazy. Edge kept booting him in the head until the ref declared that Hardy couldn't continue. He lasted longer than Tyson ever would.
Two matches, with a total of four wrestling moves performed. If you can even call Edge's reversal a move.
-Rey Mysterio gets to keep his son by winning a ladder match again Eddie Guerrero. A tie for the match of the night, as both men tried to kill each other a couple of times, using high-risk moves with the ladders, including getting powerbombed off the ladder, and a 619 with the ladder. Match ends when Eddie's wife pushes her husband off the ladder, when it was apparently Eddie was gonna win. Wifey then holds Eddie down, while Rey gets the briefcase. Good drama in the match.
-Kurt Angle makes Eugene tap and reclaims his gold medals. Kinda ignored this match, but Eugene hit a Stone Cold Stunner and a Rock Bottom, then Kurt got sick of him and put him out of his misery. Angle needs a title shot. Skip this whole beating-up-the-retard crap. Also, crowd BOOED Eugene throughout the match.
-Randy Orton defeats Undertaker and gets his revenge. Taker chokeslams Orton, then Orton's daddy comes through the crowd and interferes, which allows Orton to recouperate and hit a RKO to end it. Another match I didn't pay attention to the whole way through.
-Cena defeats Jericho to retain WWE Title. My friends have bad timimg, and kept me from paying attention to this one, too.I just noticed Jericho carriying the match, until Cena caught roid rage and beat him.
-Batista destroys JBL in No Holds Barred match to retain Heavyweight Title. Back and forth hardcore stuff, wasn't impressed by anything. Match ends when JBL gets Batistabombed, first on the mat, then on the steel steps. JBL doesn't cut it. I'd even prefer Hassan over him right now.
-Hulk Hogan beats HBK in a pretty good match. Like the Eddy/Rey match, lots of drama and crowd heat kept this match entertaining, and Hogan actually pulled out some moves. Hogan bleeds like crazy after HBK pummels him. His face matches his trunks halfway through the match (red blood and blonde hair to match the tie-dye). Hogan fights off HBK as much as he can, then HBK gains complete control, with two incidental ref bumps. HBK uses a chair, and gets off Sweet Chin Music, but Hogan kicks out, hulks up, and does the usual punchx3, big boot, legdrop. Hogan celebrates, then HBK shakes his hand, and leaves.
I enjoyed most of the show, since I haven't seen a PPV in so long, I cared about some of the matches, and it was straight-up action, instead of talk-talk-talk (or like this review, which is type-type-type). Friends distrated me from the rest. Good show, overall.
-Edge beats the shit out of Matt Hardy. Edge hit two moves in the match, while Hardy just threw haymakers. Hardy's face landed on a ringpost while getting a reversal, which made him bleed like crazy. Edge kept booting him in the head until the ref declared that Hardy couldn't continue. He lasted longer than Tyson ever would.
Two matches, with a total of four wrestling moves performed. If you can even call Edge's reversal a move.
-Rey Mysterio gets to keep his son by winning a ladder match again Eddie Guerrero. A tie for the match of the night, as both men tried to kill each other a couple of times, using high-risk moves with the ladders, including getting powerbombed off the ladder, and a 619 with the ladder. Match ends when Eddie's wife pushes her husband off the ladder, when it was apparently Eddie was gonna win. Wifey then holds Eddie down, while Rey gets the briefcase. Good drama in the match.
-Kurt Angle makes Eugene tap and reclaims his gold medals. Kinda ignored this match, but Eugene hit a Stone Cold Stunner and a Rock Bottom, then Kurt got sick of him and put him out of his misery. Angle needs a title shot. Skip this whole beating-up-the-retard crap. Also, crowd BOOED Eugene throughout the match.
-Randy Orton defeats Undertaker and gets his revenge. Taker chokeslams Orton, then Orton's daddy comes through the crowd and interferes, which allows Orton to recouperate and hit a RKO to end it. Another match I didn't pay attention to the whole way through.
-Cena defeats Jericho to retain WWE Title. My friends have bad timimg, and kept me from paying attention to this one, too.I just noticed Jericho carriying the match, until Cena caught roid rage and beat him.
-Batista destroys JBL in No Holds Barred match to retain Heavyweight Title. Back and forth hardcore stuff, wasn't impressed by anything. Match ends when JBL gets Batistabombed, first on the mat, then on the steel steps. JBL doesn't cut it. I'd even prefer Hassan over him right now.
-Hulk Hogan beats HBK in a pretty good match. Like the Eddy/Rey match, lots of drama and crowd heat kept this match entertaining, and Hogan actually pulled out some moves. Hogan bleeds like crazy after HBK pummels him. His face matches his trunks halfway through the match (red blood and blonde hair to match the tie-dye). Hogan fights off HBK as much as he can, then HBK gains complete control, with two incidental ref bumps. HBK uses a chair, and gets off Sweet Chin Music, but Hogan kicks out, hulks up, and does the usual punchx3, big boot, legdrop. Hogan celebrates, then HBK shakes his hand, and leaves.
I enjoyed most of the show, since I haven't seen a PPV in so long, I cared about some of the matches, and it was straight-up action, instead of talk-talk-talk (or like this review, which is type-type-type). Friends distrated me from the rest. Good show, overall.